Feel'n like a fat kid!

I feel like I have no controll whatsoever!

Chocolate binge... Feel like shit... Shit I tell you... honestly got myself sick off of chocolate-covered almonds, and now seeing food makes me want to throw up. I ate like... 500 calories of chocolate! WHOLEY FAWCK.

Well... that puts me at a total of like 900 calories today, after I finish dinner. If I eat it. DAMN.

I will not purge, though. Ana is about controll, and feeling like my stomach will rupture at any moment is my punishment. Never have I or will I purge.

Still... I haven't done anything that could make me gain weight... I didn't actually eat 3500 calories, that two pounds is your body fluxuating over fecal matter and fluids!! So, I'm fine. There's no way in hell they're forcing a mahi mahi taco down my throat at dinner... anyways, I'm lactose intolerant, so I'll blame milk for my unruly stomachache. Wholey shizz.

Well... I defeated the Puppeteer on MS and got a whooping total of 12,000EXP. ;D Happy... Still feel like a fatass. Fat. Fat. Fat. I know didn't really gain any weight, but still. I've deffinatley dissapointed my 115lb self...

Wholey shit, wholey shit, wholey- wait what!?

Feel like... bingeing? How will you feel afterwards? What's it like to be full and bloated? If you've hungry... well... good! You should be! If it really hurts that much, go to your room, get under your blankets with a mug of tea, and relax. If you're fatigued, you've fine- just got drinking enough. It's hard to always drink water, I know how boring it is. Drink tea or coffe instead. Iced tea... diet pop, any zero-calorie beverage!

And don't get concrned over tiny fluxuations in your weight. If you're up three or four pounds since yesterday... it's liquid, and fecal matter. I doubt you really ate 3500 calories. Yeah, you need 3500 calories to gain a pound. 10,500 to gain three. I doubt you ate that much, and, even if you binged, you still under-ate. Think of what overeating is to the average person: 2500-3500 calories. To you- to us!- overeating is 500 calories. Even less in some cases.

And it dosen't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop.



AND SO.

ONE-HUNDRED-FIFTEEN POUNDS. I did it!! Wo0o0o0! Now, I can take it a bit slower, seeing as I have two weeks and one day to lose five pounds... ;D. I'll do it, easy. I never have a problem with hunger or cravings! Never! And I've already lost 30lbs! 'Dunno what I do that makes it so, but it's so: Loosing weight is easy as hell for me... It comes to me simply, just like realtive functions, or equations in y-intercept from. Once I get a hang of it, it's simple... ;D. My birthday's coming up, in two weeks and one day, and if I can amke it by then... ;D That's fifteen days to loose 5lbs. Perfect. I burn about 1700-1800 calories a day, and if I eat roughly 450 a day, I burn 1250-1350 each day. That puts me at a loss of about one pound every three days. ;D It's happening.

On my birthday, I shall be free... to a certain degree. Still must eat less than 1,000 calories. Hey!- I'm still undereating! :D

Today is a new day...

And with it comes new oppertunities. Yesterday's "sacrafice" is today's investment, and more should be made today. The day should be spent enjoying yourself; not with food, for it only lasts a second. Spend the time genuinley enjoying yourself, look forward to sometihng... have fun.

Yep~!

I'm in a good mood... wanna know why? I had gotten sick last week- great excuse not to eat- and missed three days of school, so I was behind. I caught up right when I got back, but my asma[did i spell that right?] was acting up and I couldn't do phys ed or jog. DEVASTSTION. Today, though, mummu-dear deemed that i could do PE if I felt good, and I did. ;D we had physical fitness testing, though, so we had free-choice right after the trunk-lift. I ran for the remainder of the time- an extra 1 1.3 miles! woo! ;D

Thinspo... I need to post some. ;D

Starting: My shitty phohoshop work:




if a fat kid like that did it, so can you!!

[i made that fugly picture out of boredom, last week ;DD]

How I'm doing.

Six days of fasting, and I'm through. I have school, too many friends, and vigilant parents: I can't afford to be so fatigued all the time. But I like being hungry... I know I'm doing it right. So...

I'm having a tall mug of earl grey tea for breakfast [preparing and throwing-out the rest], at lunch I'll buy my lunch with my pre-paid account, and sell my entre to a friend [James and Jerimiah eat so much!] and just eat the fruits and veggies. Then comes dinner, and I try to load a bunch of veggies onto my plate and take forever to chew.

Because, frankly, I hate not feeling hungry. I feel like a full, fatass.

AND: Ana and I have a deal: If I can get down to 110 lb by my upcoming birthday [April 3rd] She'll let me eat regularly when we go to the sushi bar I love so much. As long as i don't top 1000 calories... ;DD. There is no cake at my party! Yessss...

You see, I never purge, and never will. It'll just kill will faster! I understand that this is a disese; a disese I cling to in a horrible I love you/ I hate you mannor. And so... Whenever I eat too much I alays tell myself: "You need to consume 3500 calories to gain a pound, and you've for sure burned off more than you have eaten. There is no way that was 3500 calories, in fact it was an eighth of that, and you'll have burned it off by the end of the day... you're okay.". Because I still want to have controll over my life.

2 3/4 weeks to loose 7 pounds!!! Will i make it? Yes... yes. ;D

Weighed myself!

Start weight: 145lb
Current weight: 117lb
Short Term Goal weight: 115lb
Long Term Goal Weight: 110lb

Well... I've lost eight pounds since I started this blog. ;DD

I ususally try not to obsess aver the scale too much, but I went shopping and tried on a pair of size 2 jeans, and they fell off my ass. I was all happy, then realized mummy-dear would get suspicious if size 2 had gotten too big, so I said it was labled wrong and bought a sweater. Then I weighed myself and -*poof*- eight pounds down. ;D

What to eat and when to eat it-

Breakfast... just keep it below- way below!- 125 calories... usually mine's arround 75, but then again, breakfast is the most important meal of the day and will help you keep going if you're a person who's as prone to fatigue as I am. You should never skip breakfast!

And then a small lunch, so another, what? 100 calories? This should be made-up completley of fruits and vegetables along with a low-calorie drink(tea, water, black coffee, 0cal pop/energy drink) to make sure all the calories are at least burned off and it's a negative-calorie meal. This meal is mainly here if you're arround a a lot of people at lunch and to keep your stomcah from grumbling, so it's okay to have a later lunch or to combine lunch and dinner. By this I mean eat arround 4:00pm and have it count for both meals. With this, don't take it over 200 calories.

[unless you've combining this & lunch]
Dinner... Oouch. This meal, I think, is the least-important one. There's no point in stuffing your face if you've just going to go to sleep right afterwards and not burn any of it off. I would have the tiniest dinner possible...or just get a shitload of salad. And remember to eat at least four hours before you go to bed. ;D

Some tips:

Well, first off, I've spent all my time not studying/excersizing[did i spell that right o.o'''] on pro-ana sites, and so, here is a large compilement of all the tips i've got in my arsinal that have kept me away from food for going-on five days! It's really easy if you just think: "Yes, that... or I could just decide not to eat it.".

Here come the tips!!

• you'll be fat if you eat it
• just firmly decide not to eat it
• find your personal thinspo song to listen to {mine's Skeleton SOng by Kate Nash}
• your body can easily opperate on water and it's fat
• just put it off one more day
• you'll be remembered as the beautiful thin one
• guys/girls will be mor elikley to talk to you
• you'll be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones
• fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a paracite
• are models fat? should you eat it?
• too many americans are fat, and they're spreading it.
• do you want the fat pigs and three-chinned-maggots to like you because you resemble them?
• only thin people are beautiful
• if you slap a fattass, the fat ripples
• walk in the snow and leave no footprints
• dance between the raindrops in a shower of rain
• NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIN FEELS.
• 'no thanks" to food is "yes please" to thin
• only fat people enjoy feeling full
• is fat, gluttonous, unhealthy, evil food more important to you than your goal
• think of ana as your partner and secret weapon
• because skinny clothes are so much cuter than fa clothes
• because how would you like to have to compare your fat-self to your skinny, beautiful self?
• because it's great to have to ask for a smaller size
• because nothing will ever beat a size 00 falling off my hipbones... besides seeing my hipbones ;D
• because eating will only make you miserable
• thin=pretty
• when you're thin you don't feel foolish with aspirations to be an actress or a model
• BECAUSE YOU HAVE COME TOO FAR TO LET SOMETING AS TRIVIAL AS FOOD GET IN YOUR WAY.
• you didn't gain it overnight, and you won't loose it that quickly either
• you're not deprived of food, it's depriving you of thinness
• soon, everyone will start to get fat and outweigh you
• you can be a stealthy ninja! ;D
• imagine the annoying, skinny bitch everyone hates finding out you weight less that her.
• if you're cold, it's working
• imagine you in a size 2. 1... 0?
• spend the money you could spend on food in someting else.. (thinspo journal [a really nice one!], clothes, shoes, spa treatment, movie, haircut {you won't believe how well this works! I go to the mall each weekend with my lunch money and allowence and blow through the hot topic clearance section ;D})
• you'll be able to pull off any style!
• <HERE'S ONE FOR THE ANIME FANS!> OMFG, put that p0cky down, if you want to look like an anime character, don't you get it, you cannot eat like one!
• IF YOUR LEGS STILL TOUCH, YOU'RE NOT THERE YET!
• Everything in the fridge is failure.
• does ana want to visit the fridge? no she dosn't
• gum.
• you're too good to fall to the level of all thoes three-chinned-maggotts.
• watch the people arround you eat, and chew, and... eww.
• if you don't eat it, you'll see your own self-restraint
• think of how you'll feel when you're full
• try on all the clothes you want ot fit so badly
• do you want that cookie more than you want to be skinny?
• taste is just a feeling; hunger is just a craving; a craving can be supressed
• do you really wan to get any fatter?
• DO NOT TAKE ORDERS FROM THE GOD DAMN PIECE OF CAKE. NOT THE BURRITO EITHER.
• each moment you're not eating, you're losing weight
• write a list of all the reasons not to eat it
• you have controll..
• you are a perfectionist
• calories don't make you happy
• eating makes you miserable
• starving yourself feels good
• if you don't eat, you don't have to worry over what you've eaten
• you're not thin until you are
• the longer you starve the easier it gets
• we do eat normally... all that is needed to survive.
• when you're empty... you feel like you oculd fly!
• the body is a object ot be perfected
• everyone else is just geting fatter!
• your clothes won't fit!
• you'll run faster with out all that shit holding you down
• you'll shop everywhere!
• everyone else can be friends with bic macs; it dosn't matter, as long as your best friedn is water.
• food= 1 sec -- thin= 1 lifetime
• you have enough fat to sustainy uorself just a few more days!
• you can be the pretty thin girl in the group
• if you don't eat it you'll be thin and get compliments
• that's not butter, you half-wit, it's congealed custard.
• count to 100 while thinking over the reasong not to eat it.
• just take a walk
• have you got a fat photo of yourself? well: stare at it!
• look arround and point out all the fat people to yourself
• if your somewhere and about to binge, go into a bathroom and reason with yourself over why you shouldn't eat it
• feel your bones; do you want to see them or not?
• drink a lot of fluids [low-cal!]
• brush yor teeth
• get out of the house- avaoid eating and burn calories!
• make a ANA SCRAPBOOK [they work wonders]
• if you're hungry... it's working! don't let that feeling stop!
• eat in front of a mirror. naked.
• want food? your thighs.
• FRIDGE PICKERS WEAR BIG KNICKERS!
• eat to live, not vise versa
• food is a hendarance to your success
• food is the drug we must all quit
• the difference betweenwant and need is self-controll
• whenever arises the oppertunity to eat, arises the same oppurtunity to refuse. please accept the latter.
• DO NOT TRADE WHAT YOU WANT MOST FOR WHAT YOU WANT at the moment.
• they're all just envious of your restraint
• the hungrier yo are the more fat you burn
• fidgeting burns quite a few calories.
• Of course it's hard: were it easy, we'd all be thin.
• make a list of fat people you know
• watch a fashion channel on TV
• cake-sniffer, or fridge-picker?
• enjoy hunger... it's like our own special kind of natural high!
• take the stairs
• A MOMENT ON THE LIPS, A LIFETIME ON THE HIPS!
• you'll look great
• don't damn ourself to look like the fat kid in PE class who took twenty minuites to run the mile. ;D
• if someone calls you fat, it'll be sarcasm
• is your faviorite celebruty fat? [if they are, please ignore that one... o-O;;]
• you'll eat eventually! just wait until then. eating that will show how fat and dependent on food you still are.
• I ♥ ANA
• stop poisoning your body with food!
• don't eat anything today you'll regret tomorrow
• you're not thin until you are
• if your legs touch, you're fat.
• you're not attractive in this world until you are thin
• if you eat it, you just movesdthree steps back form your goal
• you haven't really failed until you've quit
• if you're hugnry, it's working
• diets don't work unless you've the willpoewer to make them.
• success won't come to you... it has to be met at least half way.
• you'll have the right to call a lot of people fat
• instead of reasons why you can't, give reasons why you can.
• EVERY TIME YOU WALK PAST SOMEONE, THEY'LL THINK, "I wish i has her body..".
• only you can let yourself fail!
• no pain; no gain
• todays's sacrafice will play yet another role as tomorrow's investment.
• you can hide cravings on the inside, and your thiness will shoe on the outside.
• wear a rubber ban arround your wrist, and snap it when you want ot eat.
• write down the reasons not to eat it
• think of your goal! keep it in mind.

Well... here it comes:

Alright. Here's my blog, on... ED's.



Thoes of us who've got ED's needeachother's suport, right? Yes, right. I'm going to post tips, tricks, and how I get by in my busy life; yesh, I have to keep my grades at all A+'s, tutor, keep "pwning" in Phys. Ed., and being my happy social self... and not eat. Well, I learned the not eating isn't going well for me. Sooo... I'm on a 450-550cal. diet, and it's working well, now. I just do fun stuff and avoid food. Plus I make sure to pay attention to fat people and see how they jiggle. It's my faviorite kind of thinspo! But, more on my secrets later.



I used to be 145 lb, which isn't too badly overweihgt, but close. Now I'm 125lb... so see you later!